Ghosts of Lovers Past: The Four Sex Partners We Never Forget!
Once we pass into our third decade of life, most of us have experienced several important relationships, and subsequently, several sexual partners. The rules of modern society and the trend towards engaging in "hook ups" pushing the number of potential ex-lovers upwards to possibly dozens!
If you have come along towards the end of your partner's sexual experimentation and feel somewhat threatened about their myriad sexual experiences, lay your fears to rest. No matter how many dozens or even hundreds of partners some have had, most people remember just four:
(1) Their very first sexual partner;
(2) The partner they did the freakiest and/or most taboo things with;
(3) The partner they had the most memorable encounter with;
(4) Their last/current sexual partner.
That's it. Everyone else fades to black. Now let's explore these four partners in greater depth.
Our Very First Partner
The decision to remain a virgin (or not) is often fraught with guilt and confusion. Religious families raise their children to think that virginity is a prize to be awarded only to a husband or wife. More liberal families stress that the first time should be with someone you love, marriage is optional.
First sex is scary, exciting, exhilarating and sometimes painful. Women's heads are filled with romantic visions of happily ever after and love as they share their essence; guys with "whooo hooo! I got some and can brag to my friends that I am no longer a virgin!" Doesn't matter that it was the most unsatisfying (and shortest) sex ever - we're just happy we had sex!
First time sex goes down in everyone's journal, diary or at least memory bank as the sex act we'll never forget. We remember where it happened, with whom, how old we were, and what was said and done before, during and after. No one EVER forgets their first time, no matter how awful it was.
The Partner We Did the Freakiest, Most Taboo Things With
Explored homosexuality or lesbianism with your next door neighbor? Had a 3-some with your boyfriend and his best friend when you were attending University of Whatever? You, a blonde haired blue eyed socialite slept with a buff Black guy while on spring break in Corpus and made your fantasy of interracial sex come true?
These are all examples of the types of things people do undercover that satisfy their curiosity and qualify as freaky or excitingly wild and taboo. No one EVER forgets their freaky sexual experiences, no matter how awful they were.
The Partner We Had the Most Memorable Sex With
In this category are the sexual partners that made their mark on our mind, body and soul. We never knew sex could be so overwhelmingly powerful, so satisfying, so passionately moving that we get chocked up and tearful. Could this be our soul mate?
This partner seems to know intuitively what we want, and gives it to us exactly the way we want it, when we want it, how long we want it. Sometimes we fall in love with this person. For most though, the fear of being engulfed emotionally is overwhelming. We feel off balance, and out of control. The mental and physical control this partner has over us is terrifying and frightening. So most people run from this type of relationship to the safety of our aloneness. Others return to some tired, unsatisfying ex just so we can feel more in control of ourselves and our emotions. We allow fear to limit our joy.
It's understandable, but very sad. We then spend the rest of our days reflecting on the most memorable sexual experience of our lives and wondering what could have been if only we'd not been so scared of the soul stirring passion he or she brought to our world. No matter how hard we try, we can EVER forget our "soul mate" sexual experiences.
Our Current Partner and The Last Sex We Had
Long term relationships with a live in mate or spouse offer an emotional security and stability which casual dating and "hook ups" never would. This type of sex may not be the most exciting on a day to day level, but it satisfies you emotionally and mentally in a way that makes you feel warm, safe, and happy. You find that sometimes you have to make an effort to add a bit of spice to your sexual repertoire, but you're both interested in experimenting and you never feel your response or ideas are being judged in any way but "Hmmm sounds good! Let's try it baby!"
You may not remember the sex you had last month, but you remember the sex you had last night with a smile that makes you duck your head (so your coworkers won't see!) Memory of the last sexual experience shared with the person you love will fade away in a few hours, to be soon replaced by new memories of your creation. No one EVER forgets their latest sexual escapade.
(c) 2009 Deborrah Cooper. Deborrah has authored dozens of relationship articles and advice columns on Ask HeartBeat!, which focuses on modern relationships for teens and adults. Her dating guide Sucka Free Love! provides street-smart, hilarious insight into the toughest issues facing singles today. Check out The Sucka Free Dating Radio Talk Show on Tuesday night at 6:00 pm PST.